The Night Before...That Never Was

First Day of Pre-K sign - CHECK

Lightning McQueen Lunch Box - CHECK

Hot Wheels Backpack - CHECK

New Kicks (or Two - whole nother story) - CHECK CHECK

And ya we even had the Night Before Preschool book

We had all the stuff,  but the one thing we didn't have this year is a kid to hold or wear all that stuff to preschool. Well let me rephrase that, he could have yes but instinct won out this time and had been knocking on this mama's door ever since last March. I am going to try this letter style so one day as our family is sitting around the table at Thanksgiving when our kids are grown I can pull this out when the girls probably try to pull a fast one and say mom and dad didn't love you as much because they didn't send you to two years of preschool like they did us, or we are smarter than you because you only went to one year of preschool and then stick out their tongues or something like that :-)



Dear Carter,

In February of this year it was time to sign you up for preschool 3's...already, seriously?? You were only 2 years old at the time, heck we were just starting to think of potty training you. But sign you up we did because your sisters had both gone to Pre-K 3. Although even back in February it didn't feel right but I had so much time still right...many many months to really figure it out, you would turn 3, potty like a rockstar and be ready to fly this coup, so the spot was there if we went ahead. You were younger than they were when they started...the good old May birthday and I always thought I was being jipped a year with you anyways. With their Fall birthdays I got a bonus year with each of them. The months went by, potty training dragged on and I thought for sure if you kept pooping your pants that would make the decision for me, right?? School ended in June and we had the whole summer ahead of us with no worries, lots of popsicles and definitely no decisions to have to make quite yet. BUT that whole time I always kept going back to keeping you home. I would talk and talk and talk to your daddy about it (God love him for being so patient). He of course was all for keeping you home too. We talked about advantages of both sending you and keeping you home. We talked about me doing preschool at home this year and what that would look like. No different than what I did with Kennedy and Brooklyn their year before preschool. You had the verbal part going on and if your personality when we are out is any indication of your socialness you are doing A-ok. As August crept on and the popsicle box depleted it became evident that I truly had to make a decision. Your daddy told me his thoughts after listening to me but also said it was my choice and that he would stand behind me either way. So 2nd week of August right after vacation I had "decided" you were staying home....kinda :-). See the thing about your mommy is that I am a little sentimental (ok a lot), I love this young stage and haven't made a secret about that, and love you all home in our cozy house playing what we want and ignoring anywhere we HAVE to be for as long as we possibly can. But I also knew I didn't want to be the one to hold you back...I didn't want it to be me that was keeping you home for selfish reasons or because I was scared with you being my last "baby" that it was all coming to an end, this stage although hard and demanding the one I truly appreciate. I wanted it to be what was best for you and best for our family no matter what we did for your sisters but what was best for RIGHT now.

So 3rd week of August you were GOING to preschool. We bought the lunch box (Lightning McQueen won fair and square), I printed the sign when I had printed your sisters, the backpack we had bought when we went to Padre and the new kicks well you had those because your feet kept growing and you needed something to keep you running fast! We pulled out our preschool books and our books about starting school, sure we read but there was still something not right. I pretended alright, but I was having trouble picturing you at your class parties, or picturing you in the Make Believe Parade...and I never even mentioned your teacher's name we just kinda went about our days playing cars, trains and legos and I just kept praying for peace and for discernment to make the right choice, not the selfish choice but the thing that would be best for you. God bless my friends too because they listened and listened and listened. Your daddy and I went to your Preschool Orientation that Tuesday night, August 28th. We were sitting in the chapel for the 5th time and it felt like just the other day we had attended our first back in August 2006. Your KK was about to start her first year and I was very pregnant with Brooklyn. We felt so young, so excited and ready for this adventure. This time it was different even though we love the school and saw old teachers and were happy to be at that place we have grown to love the past 6 years. I had prayed to have an open mind and have a good attitude and it looked like it was working until we broke out into classes and went to meet with your teacher for the rest of orientation. Your daddy and I were old pro's, 3rd time no sweat we had this covered. But not so...I walked right in and knew something was wrong. I wanted to run and get out of there but I smiled and looked at your daddy and just kept listening and nodding. I pretended to listen and look through the packet all the while willing myself not to cry and then when the tears did come I was trying so hard to not let them spill over. I thought it was just me and I was overly emotional, I mean that makes sense because you are the baby. We walked back to see your room and it felt cold and not right so I quickly signed up for playdoh making, party planning and whatnot just so I could get out of there. I knew there was a problem when I couldn't even look your teacher in the eye and introduce myself. It wasn't her though, it was me. We walked out of the class room and down the hall and pushed those doors open to the muggy humid air but it felt better than it had inside...I could finally breathe. Your daddy grabbed my hand and said, "that was a mess, I couldn't wait to get out of there." and we knew we were back closer to the one choice I had always kept going back to.

I still am not sure what was so hard about finalizing that decision. You would think after that we would have washed our hands of it and given a high five and I would have been on our way to picking out our first activities for your first day at home...but as all the little siblings of Brooklyn's friends were on their way to meet the teachers the next day I got caught in the whole not wanting you to be left out of the firsts of preschool. I wasn't about to take you to meet her without knowing for sure so at 9:30am (we were supposed to be there at 10am if you were going) your daddy and I had one last conversation and put that topic to REST. That was the hardest part I realized the indecision itself. Once I made it and committed to not look back I felt like a whole new person. I stood in our driveway playing chalk and bubbles with you and finally got excited about what we were going to do this next year. How we were going to spend our time. What I could teach you and I promised myself I wouldn't look back.

So handsome little man...it's you and me and you are going to like it because ya know what, you won't know ANY different!


*Side note - a friend whose daughter was going to be in class called me after I didn't show up to meet the teacher and asked where I was and if I had decided not to do it. I told her what I would tell anyone, especially friends who are signing their kids up for 3's preschool or they have already started...it is a PERSONAL decision and what makes it right for our family doesn't necessarily make it right for others too. Each child is different, each season of life and where we are at is different and whether we send them to preschool or keep them home isn't what makes us great or better moms...it's that we do what's best for each child, and for our family at that time and that we trust our instincts even if it's different.

So how did we spend our first day of Preschool 2012...

We went to the mall :-) good teacher aren't I! Nonie happened to be in town for the long holiday weekend and after Kennedy spent the whole weekend in a soccer tournament it was our first day to do something other than at the soccer fields. 

So we headed to one of our favorite places - The Woodlands. 

Oh wait there was some school going on...

story time at my favorite store...

computer time with Nonie at your favorite store along with some
building of course!

realizing and learning how the elevator goes up and down. 

and how yummy fish tacos are at Berryhill.


First day is a success I would say...
remember that when we are sitting around the
Thanksgiving table in 20 years or so, deal?